Nonviolent Communcation essentials All human beings share the same needs. All actions are attempts to meet needs. Feelings point to needs being met or unmet. Most conflicts arise from miscommunications about human needs.

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Large Group Discussion:

Prompt: What makes life wonderful?

Organize into two lists (needs and strategies)

Discuss.

Miracle of Communication

Miracle of communication

The only way to reveal the mysteries of who we are.

Nonviolent Communication

Foundational beliefs:

All human beings share the same needs.

All actions are strategies to meet needs.

Feelings point to needs being met or unmet.

Most conflicts arise from miscommunications about human needs and the strategies to meet the needs.

Goal of Communication:

to reveal the underlying interests.

Lesson 2-2 - Speaking

Lesson 2-2 - Speaking

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Point #2

How to Speak so others will listen

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How to speak so others will listen:

Speaking as a form of connection

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Clear Is Kind. Unclear Is Unkind.⁠

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Story from Blog "The Value of Speaking Your Truth"⁠

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Friend saying something disagree with

Saying something is the way to show you value the connection.

Yourself

Them

The relationship.

Speak from your experience and perspective (a.k.a. "I" statements)

NOT

everyone, you

Why?

More accurate

Better storytelling

Inarguable

Elements of effective communication

The world needs your perspective and participation. It's important to speak in a way that is easy for people to hear. These techniques will show you how to share your voice in an honest and non-judgemental way.

Observe: Describe what you notice. (Tips: Share your unique perspective. Be objective. Try to avoid interpretation.)

Feel: Share your feelings. (Tips: Focus on your emotional experience. Own your feelings. Avoid faux-feelings and hidden accusations (e.g.: "I feel ignored/attacked/left out.")

Needs: Speak your interests. (Tips: What do you need? Why is this important to you? Look at this list of universal human needs.)

Request: Make a Clear Request (Tips: Ask for what you want. Don't say what you don't want. Listen openly to the response.)

Lesson 2-3 - Proactive Listening

Lesson 2-3 - Proactive Listening

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Point #3

Listening - breaking the conflict cycle - Helping others communicate their needs

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"Proactive" because listening is never not useful.

Goals of Listening

to learn

to help the other relax

... to understand...

Listening to Hear

"Be Heard" vs "Feel Heard"

AI vs. the best note taker

rule Omega

Schmachtenberger if you think someone is totally wrong. Try to find the signal in the noise.

Story:

ADHD and listening

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people always come to me with conflicts, and friend told me about a horrible co-worker...

I suggested that she pull the woman aside an ask what it is that wasn't being heard.

two days later, she told me that it was a miracle.

Friends, advocates, and making real change

Effective Listening

ARC of effective listening

The power of listening to really understand is enormous. Improving your Listening skills will change your life. In this sub-section, we'll introduce listening skills based on the mnemonic ARC (Acknowledgment, Reflection, and Curiosity are the "ARC" of the conversation.).

A: Acknowledgment - Show acceptance of their experience. (tips: Let go of your ego and shift your attention to them for a moment. Imagine what they're going through. Validate or guess their feelings (even if you don't agree with their perspective).

R: Reflection - Repeat back what you hear (tips: Ensure that you heard them correctly. Reflect what you heard back to them. Make sure you got it right, and if not, try again.)

C: Curiosity - Get Curious & Ask Questions (tips: Try to understand what's most important to them. Show you care about their interests and priorities. Help them articulate what they want to see happen

Helping others communicate their needs

Knowing when to really listen

Personally, my cue to start using these tools is when I feel emotions or when I see signs the other is feeling something

Another clue is when someone is repeating themselves.

Listening to understand

If nothing else, remember: The goal is to understand why this is important to them, and for them to know you want to understand.

Hot Tip: If you want someone to listen to you, the fastest way is often to listen to them first, exhaustively.

Sameness and Difference

Breakout & Debrief

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smaill group exercise

Share personal perspective: speak truth while creating space for others.

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Breakout Exercise:

Speaker:

Use the Effective Speaking tool to share your personal perspective regarding your case study issue.

TIP: Look at your self-reflection notes from your homework. The questions should have set you up with the ingredients of a solid "I" statement.

Speak about your observations, feelings, needs and requests

Try to speak your truth with confidence that it's yours while also speaking in a way that creates space for others' perspective.

Listener:

Respond to the speaker using the effective listening tools.

acknowledge their feelings,

reflect back what you heard them say (or something that stood out)

tell them something you are curious to know more about

Observer:

Pay attention to what people say and how they respond to each other. What do you notice about the quality of the exchange. How do you feel?

take some notes.

Discuss observations after everyone has had a chance do speak and listen

Debrief:

How did it go?

Q&A

Closing

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outcome focus

You will learn how to speak your truth while still holding space for the truth of others.

Key takeaway

Introduction to first of the Three Rules of Conflict; it's not about what it's about.

Upsell

Communicatton 101 course (the playbook)

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Final Concept

breaking the conflict cycle (aka: How to never be in a conflict again)

Putting together (new definitions of conflict, the communication cycle, and elements of communication

When does it become a conflict?

We can always break the cycle by redefining the experience

Takeaway check (type into chat):

Why is communication important?

What's Next? Where we're going from here.

Upsell

Communication 101 Webinar

Playbook.

Homework

Homework Assignment

Homework Assignment

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Module 2

Homework Assignment

Begin building conflict map interview people, research Make a steelmam desription of the others

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Introduction to the conflict map Homework Assignment

Interview assignment

interview someone with a different perspective than yours ( and/or conduct research)

Practice Listening techniques

See if you can identify what they observe, feel, need and want

Put information into the conflict map

Make a steelman description of the others' perspectives (what do they observe, feel, need and want

Module 2 Breakdown

Module 2 Breakdown

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Module 2

Title

Communicating across Differences

outcome focus

You will learn how to speak your truth while still holding space for the truth of others.

Key takeaway

Rule 2: Everyone needs to be included. That's what effective communication is for.

large group Discussion

Needs vs interests

Point #1

Point #2

How to Speak unarguably

Point #2

Point #3

Listening - breaking the conflict cycle - Helping others communicate their needs

Model to teach

OFNR and ARC Conflict Cycle

Point #3

smaill group exercise 1

Share personal perspective: speak truth while creating space for others.

Summary

Takeaway check

Story

Listening to disruptive co-worker Friend Speaking up with a friend at lunch

Upsell

Communicatton 101 course (the playbook)

Assignment

Begin building conflict map interview people, research Make a steelmam desription of the others

Quotation

Ken Pages

Resources

List of universal human needs

Material to prepare

Virtual Doc for "Needs/Interests" Exercise - Playbook Website & PDF - effective communication handout

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Lesson 2-1 - Effective Communication

Large Group Discussion:

Miracle of Communication

Nonviolent Communication

Goal of Communication:

Lesson 2-2 - Speaking

How to speak so others will listen:

Speaking as a form of connection

Speak from your experience and perspective (a.k.a. "I" statements)

Elements of effective communication

Lesson 2-3 - Proactive Listening

Goals of Listening

Listening to Hear

"Be Heard" vs "Feel Heard"

rule Omega

Story:

Effective Listening

ARC of effective listening

Helping others communicate their needs

Sameness and Difference

breaking the conflict cycle (aka: How to never be in a conflict again)

Takeaway check (type into chat):

What's Next? Where we're going from here.

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