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Section
Time
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10
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Large Group Discussion
Prepare prompt and place to take notes
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Lesson 1
Miracle of communication and Conflict cycle graphic
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Lesson 2
Effective Communication Handout
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Lesson 3
Effective Communication Handout
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Small Group Breakout
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Large Group Debrief
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Closing
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Opening & Welcome

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outcome focus
You will learn how to speak your truth while still holding space for the truth of others.
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Key takeaway
Introduction to first of the Three Rules of Conflict; it's not about what it's about.
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Model to teach
OFNR and ARC
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Resources
List of universal human needs
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Material to prepare
Virtual Doc for "Needs/Interests" Exercise - Playbook Website & PDF - effective communication handout
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Welcome

Module 1 Recap

Questions into the chat
New definition of conflict
Components
sources of conflict
underlying needs
iceberg
Rule #1

Today's Lesson

Communication across differences
key takeaway: "it's not about what it's about."
everything is about discovering the underlying needs and interests
discovering needs
key to effective communication
To learn how to speak your truth in ways that others will listen
real skills on how to hold space for others
Begin with an exercise to understand what this means.

Lesson 2-1 - Effective Communication
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large group Discussion
Needs vs interests
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Point #1
Nonviolent Communcation essentials All human beings share the same needs. All actions are attempts to meet needs. Feelings point to needs being met or unmet. Most conflicts arise from miscommunications about human needs.
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Large Group Discussion:

Prompt: What makes life wonderful?
Organize into two lists (needs and strategies)
Discuss.

Miracle of Communication

Miracle of communication
The only way to reveal the mysteries of who we are.



Nonviolent Communication

Foundational beliefs:
All human beings share the same needs.
All actions are strategies to meet needs.
Feelings point to needs being met or unmet.
Most conflicts arise from miscommunications about human needs and the strategies to meet the needs.

Goal of Communication:

to reveal the underlying interests.
Lesson 2-2 - Speaking
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Point #2
How to Speak so others will listen
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How to speak so others will listen:

Speaking as a form of connection

Friend saying something disagree with
Saying something is the way to show you value the connection.
Yourself
Them
The relationship.

Speak from your experience and perspective (a.k.a. "I" statements)

NOT
everyone, you
Why?
More accurate
Better storytelling
Inarguable

Elements of effective communication

The world needs your perspective and participation. It's important to speak in a way that is easy for people to hear. These techniques will show you how to share your voice in an honest and non-judgemental way.
Observe: Describe what you notice. (Tips: Share your unique perspective. Be objective. Try to avoid interpretation.)
Feel: Share your feelings. (Tips: Focus on your emotional experience. Own your feelings. Avoid faux-feelings and hidden accusations (e.g.: "I feel ignored/attacked/left out.")
Needs: Speak your interests. (Tips: What do you need? Why is this important to you? Look at this list of universal human needs.)
Request: Make a Clear Request (Tips: Ask for what you want. Don't say what you don't want. Listen openly to the response.)
Lesson 2-3 - Proactive Listening
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Point #3
Listening - breaking the conflict cycle - Helping others communicate their needs
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"Proactive" because listening is never not useful.

Goals of Listening

to learn
to help the other relax
... to understand...

Listening to Hear

"Be Heard" vs "Feel Heard"

AI vs. the best note taker

rule Omega

Schmachtenberger if you think someone is totally wrong. Try to find the signal in the noise.

Story:

ADHD and listening
image.png
people always come to me with conflicts, and friend told me about a horrible co-worker...
I suggested that she pull the woman aside an ask what it is that wasn't being heard.
two days later, she told me that it was a miracle.
Friends, advocates, and making real change

Effective Listening

ARC of effective listening

The power of listening to really understand is enormous. Improving your Listening skills will change your life. In this sub-section, we'll introduce listening skills based on the mnemonic ARC (Acknowledgment, Reflection, and Curiosity are the "ARC" of the conversation.).
A: Acknowledgment - Show acceptance of their experience. (tips: Let go of your ego and shift your attention to them for a moment. Imagine what they're going through. Validate or guess their feelings (even if you don't agree with their perspective).
R: Reflection - Repeat back what you hear (tips: Ensure that you heard them correctly. Reflect what you heard back to them. Make sure you got it right, and if not, try again.)
C: Curiosity - Get Curious & Ask Questions (tips: Try to understand what's most important to them. Show you care about their interests and priorities. Help them articulate what they want to see happen

Helping others communicate their needs

Knowing when to really listen
Personally, my cue to start using these tools is when I feel emotions or when I see signs the other is feeling something
Another clue is when someone is repeating themselves.
Listening to understand
If nothing else, remember: The goal is to understand why this is important to them, and for them to know you want to understand.
Hot Tip: If you want someone to listen to you, the fastest way is often to listen to them first, exhaustively.

Sameness and Difference



Breakout & Debrief

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smaill group exercise
Share personal perspective: speak truth while creating space for others.
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3
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Breakout Exercise:

Speaker:
Use the Effective Speaking tool to share your personal perspective regarding your case study issue.
TIP: Look at your self-reflection notes from your homework. The questions should have set you up with the ingredients of a solid "I" statement.
Speak about your observations, feelings, needs and requests
Try to speak your truth with confidence that it's yours while also speaking in a way that creates space for others' perspective.
Listener:
Respond to the speaker using the effective listening tools.
acknowledge their feelings,
reflect back what you heard them say (or something that stood out)
tell them something you are curious to know more about
Observer:
Pay attention to what people say and how they respond to each other. What do you notice about the quality of the exchange. How do you feel?
take some notes.
Discuss observations after everyone has had a chance do speak and listen

Debrief:

How did it go?
Q&A


Closing

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Column 3
1
outcome focus
You will learn how to speak your truth while still holding space for the truth of others.
2
Key takeaway
Introduction to first of the Three Rules of Conflict; it's not about what it's about.
3
Upsell
Communicatton 101 course (the playbook)
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Final Concept

breaking the conflict cycle (aka: How to never be in a conflict again)

Putting together (new definitions of conflict, the communication cycle, and elements of communication
When does it become a conflict?
We can always break the cycle by redefining the experience

Takeaway check (type into chat):

Why is communication important?

What's Next? Where we're going from here.


Upsell

Communication 101 Webinar
Playbook.

Homework

Homework Assignment
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Module 2
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Homework Assignment
Begin building conflict map interview people, research Make a steelmam desription of the others
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Introduction to the conflict map Homework Assignment
Interview assignment
interview someone with a different perspective than yours ( and/or conduct research)
Practice Listening techniques
See if you can identify what they observe, feel, need and want
Put information into the conflict map
Make a steelman description of the others' perspectives (what do they observe, feel, need and want

Module 2 Breakdown
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Column 1
Module 2
2
outcome focus
You will learn how to speak your truth while still holding space for the truth of others.
3
Key takeaway
Rule 2: Everyone needs to be included. That's what effective communication is for.
4
large group Discussion
Needs vs interests
5
Point #1
Nonviolent Communcation essentials All human beings share the same needs. All actions are attempts to meet needs. Feelings point to needs being met or unmet. Most conflicts arise from miscommunications about human needs.
6
Point #2
How to Speak unarguably
7
Point #2
8
Point #3
Listening - breaking the conflict cycle - Helping others communicate their needs
9
Model to teach
OFNR and ARC Conflict Cycle
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Point #3
11
Point #3
12
smaill group exercise 1
Share personal perspective: speak truth while creating space for others.
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Summary
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Takeaway check

15
Story
Listening to disruptive co-worker Friend Speaking up with a friend at lunch
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Upsell
Communicatton 101 course (the playbook)
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Assignment
Begin building conflict map interview people, research Make a steelmam desription of the others
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Quotation
19
Ken Pages
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Resources
List of universal human needs
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Material to prepare
Virtual Doc for "Needs/Interests" Exercise - Playbook Website & PDF - effective communication handout
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