Communication cycle
P2 interprets p1's behavior assigns meaning to what they observe P2 responds with some observable behavior P1 observes, feels, interprets and reacts. P2 observes, feels, interprets and reacts.
Conflict cycle
P1 speaks (provocatively) P2 feels surprised and angry P2 interprets P1's behavior believes that the statement was said with intention to harm decides to respond by returning the the attack P2 responds by restating the provocative statement in a way the targets P1 P1 observes P2 approaching and yelling vicious statements, feels terrified, interprets it as a pent up attack and and reacts. P2 observes, feels, interprets and reacts.
Q: Where did the conflict begin?
A: between interpreting and responding.
Q Why here?
A: At that point it's possible to redirect the cycle away from conflict by
Assuming best intentions: Maybe they misspoke or you misheard → giving the person a chance to restate what they said. Interpreting the words or behavior in a new way Taking something out on you that's not about you interpreting it as an attack but choosing to break the cycle by responding nonviolently Restate what they said, get curious about what they meant, ask questions. Tell them that you are willing to talk but not fight and see if they will agree to that. Make a boundary (tell them what you'll do if they say that again).
