TEN PHILOSOPHICAL PROPOSITIONS ON CONFLICT RESOLUTION

To understand the evolution of conflict and resolution at a deeper level, it has been helpful for me to articulate a set of fundamental propositions regarding the human reality and context in which they occur. The following ten philosophical propositions regarding conflict resolution may help explain its constantly changing, highly intuitive, deeply subtle, transitory character, and ability to regularly result in resolution, transformation, and transcendence:

1. No two human beings are the same. Everyone is different, and while we share certain characteristics, at a given level of nuance or subtlety, nothing that happens between two people is more than grossly predictable. Therefore, no conflict resolution technique, however evolved or skillfully executed, will succeed with everyone.

2. No single human being is the same from one moment to the next. Not only is it impossible to step into the same river twice because it is continuously flowing, we are continuously flowing and different from one moment to the next. Therefore, no matter how stuck anyone is, they can become unstuck at any moment.

3. The interactions and relationships between human beings are complex, multidetermined, subtle, and unpredictable, if only because they involve two or more different, constantly changing individuals. Therefore, while it makes sense to plan and strategize how we are going to resolve conflicts, it also makes sense to improvise and refuse to allow rigid plans or strategies to stand in our way.

4. Conflicts are even more complex, multi-determined, subtle, and unpredictable because they involve intense emotions, negative behaviors, miscommunications, contrasting cultural norms, jumbled intentions, false expectations, inconsistent attitudes, and dysfunctional systems, any one of which can increase the level of chaos and complexity. Therefore, linear, scientific, logically rigorous approaches to resolution need to be combined with holistic, artistic, creative, non-logical ones.

5. Most conflicts take place beneath the surface, well below the superficial topics over which people are fighting, and often hidden from their conscious awareness. These issues include emotions, interests, longings, memories, self-images, secret desires, the history and trajectory of their relationships, the systems in which they are operating, where, how, and why they got stuck, and the meaning of their conflict to each of them. Therefore, every conflict leads toward the center, not only of the issues in dispute, but the minds, emotions, and hearts of those who are stuck.

6. Chronic conflicts are systemic, and all systems, be they personal, familial, relational, organizational, social, economic, or political, defend themselves against change, even when it is essential for their survival. Therefore, the greater the need for change and deeper the potential transformation, the greater the resistance, the more intense the conflict, and the more difficult it becomes to even imagine resolving or letting it go.

7. Every conflict is holographic and systemic, so that each part contains and recapitulates the whole. Therefore, every issue in conflict, no matter how trifling or insignificant, is capable of invisibly altering the whole by transforming any of its parts, allowing even minor interventions to trigger major resolutions.

8. Every conflict reveals an internal crossroads with each path branching and leading off in radically different directions. Every conflict contains at least three paths: one moving backwards toward impasse, enmity, and adversarial relationships; one moving forward toward resolution, respect, and collaborative relationships; and one moving deeper into the heart of the conflict toward evolution and learning, transformation and transcendence. Therefore, every conflict allows people to choose how they will define their attitudes toward past, future, and present.

9. Every conflict offers opportunities to evolve to higher levels of skill and awareness in how people respond to their opponents and problems. Therefore, every conflict is a rich source of learning, improvement, and wisdom, both for people and for systems. More importantly, every conflict subtly and implicitly points their attention toward these sources.

10. At the center or heart of every conflict lies a pathway to resolution, forgiveness, and reconciliation. Therefore, conflicts have the capacity to ensnare and entrap or liberate and transform people, along with their ideas, feelings, intentions, attitudes, relationships, and the systems that created or fueled them. By opening our minds, emotions, and hearts in conflict, we automatically initiate an evolution to higher orders of conflict and resolution.

Several practical conclusions flow from these propositions. First, it is clear that each person’s attitude, intention, intuition, self-awareness, environment, and capacity for empathetic and honest communication will significantly impact their experience of conflict and capacity for resolution. Second, because each person is different, each conflict is different, and both are different from moment to moment, no one can conceivably know objectively or in advance how to resolve a given conflict, as anything that is chaotic or rapidly changing cannot be successfully predicted or managed. Third, for this reason, it is impossible to instruct anyone in detail on the best way to resolve a particular conflict, other than to develop their skills, increase their self-confidence, and develop a broad range of techniques that may or may not succeed depending on unpredictable conditions. Fourth, to resolve the underlying reasons for a dispute or learn or evolve, it is necessary to probe beneath the superficial issues people are arguing about and bring the meaning of their conflict into conscious awareness. It will then become possible to increase empathy, encourage dialogue, resolve issues collaboratively, and negotiate interestbased solutions, which can lead to a profound understanding of the systemic sources of the conflict and ways of working collaboratively to change them.

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