Every conflict is a crossroads, represented on the one hand by a problem we are now required to solve, and on the other by the fact that we do not yet have the skills we need to solve it.
In truth, there are many crossroads in conflict. Here are my top ten:
1. Whether to participate in the conflict and behave badly, or calm down and try to discuss it
2. Whether to acknowledge the other person’s truth or deny it, remain rooted in our own story, and slip into biased or delusional thinking
3. Whether to experience intense negative emotions and feelings, or to repress and sublimate them
4. Whether to aggressively assert and hold tight to our position, or search for solutions that satisfy both sides’ interests
5. Whether to experience our opponent as an equal human being entitled to respect, or demonize him or her and victimize ourselves
6. Whether to acknowledge and grieve our losses and let them go, or hold on to our pain as something precious and continue reliving it
7. Whether to learn from our opponent and the conflict so as to transcend it, or hold on to our grievances and being right, leaving it bottled up inside
8. Whether to try and correct the person or the system we have both been operating in
9. Whether to forgive and re-integrate with our opponent, or remain isolated and wounded deep inside
10. Whether to open our heart again to the other person, and reach true reconciliation
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