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The Cut

May 16, 2021
It was Sunday. I was cleaning my living room and kitchen. Everything almost done. Finally, I have to throw some trash and I am done. I took the trash bag out of the trash can packed it and went on to throwing it. I opened the lid of the dumpster and was swinging my trash bag into the dumpster. I think the force was not enough so, I hit the side of the dumpster. Suddenly, my right hand index finger is bleeding. I don’t particularly remember what went wrong but I ran to my room to see if I have some bandaids. I knocked my flatmate door to ask for bandaid. All this time I was putting pressure in my with my thumb. When, I tried to lift my thumb to put the bandaid, the whole muscle opened up and I could see the bones as well. I knew this was trouble. It was Sunday so I couldn’t go to the University health center which was walking distance from where I lived so I went to the nearest hospital. Someone, took me to the ER. One of the medical practitioner came and looked into my finger, he clicked some pictures and sent them to the doctor. He then told me that I have actually sliced my ligament so I need to go through a reconstruction surgery. He scheduled the surgery for the next day and sent me home with some painkillers and my finger strapped with some support.

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Going through the surgery was not a new thing for me so I was not that worried about it. I was worried about telling it to everyone. First, my mother, she would assume different things and be super worried. Second, my professor, I still had to complete some research work. Third, I was about to start an internship from May 24th and how will I do that with one hand. Finally, I should be moving out to different place by the end of the month.

But, the best thing is as the pain increased and became unbearable nothing else mattered. I woke up next morning and went to the hospital, got the surgery done and returned back to home. Nothing was more important than healing, the pain was unbearable most of time but it also brought some memories back. I also have the habit of talking to myself which certainly helped. I would often say to myself, “Anup, you have been though worse, so just be calm”.

It took a lot of therapy sessions and three months for my finger to become functional. It’s not normal as before but the doctor said this is your new normal, so I guess it’s fine now.

In the end, pain reminds you of yourself, nothing else matters other than you.

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