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2022-05-26 Do I Stay Christian?

Thursday, 26 May 2022

Log


Homebrewed Christianity: Brian McLaren
Audible: Do I Stay Christian? By Brian McLaren

Resources



Reflections


I have a spooky relationship with media. It is as if I am hearing, “Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear what the Spirit says to humanity.”
Today’s meditation is focused on meaning and purpose. As I was considering what feeding the feminine first might mean today, I was looking for a podcast, my preferred medium for listening through the voices of the complex, diverse community of humanity.
Homebrewed Christianity piqued my interest, because Brian McLaren has been posing questions about meaning and purpose for a long time.
When he said the words meaning and purpose in his conversation with Tripp Fuller, I felt the affirmation and my eyes snapped open.
Then, he listed the dualities with the conclusion that change is the only constant in life, which brought me back to Veronica.
His question is the question I have been asking, do I say Christian? I was saying at the beginning of my work with Veronica, I don’t think I will become a Buddhist, but I’m not ruling it out.
Now, I am wondering about the conversation I had with Dr. Kieran yesterday, and asking myself, do I stay married?
In a 2-hour conversation with Luke Hosford yesterday, I went for a walk with Coco, and we discussed philosophy, the loneliness of the desert, searching for an oasis, and about the death of the old man and the birth of a new life. Luna Solterra comes to life at the bottom of the hill, and I run up the hill, having swapped places with my dark masculine to become my light feminine archetype by embodying my unborn daughter.
On Monday, when I told the Fuller Feedback Systems group about my experience of uncontrollable sobbing at the thought of Luna Solterra representing the grief of never having another child, Struppi suggested being Luna Solterra by physically embodying her experience. And he recommended The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by bell hooks.
I told Luke about the feeling of facing my mortality and being okay with it, thinking before my walk to see the pipeline construction through Ledgeview Golf Course that I was imagining being crushed by a dump truck. Walking up the hill, a dump truck came toward me and I stepped off the sidewalk away from the road, wondering, this could be it.

Luke


I think I transformed loneliness into solitude by learning how to like myself and to value my own intuition, no matter what anyone else said to the contrary. Having Veronica reflect that back to me, to affirm that I had already been doing the work of meditation for years has been the affirmation I needed to continue the transformation process of dissolving the old identity crisis. Now I can consider the cocoon of loneliness as just a phase I have been going through.
I learned I am more powerful alone, because that is when I am conspiring with Universe. Conspire as in breathing together. I feel connected, able to know what is going to happen, because I can see the patterns. So, then it is a matter of learning patience.
Maybe that is the process of finding out where the bottom is, reaching the depths of hell, before being able to rise to the surface again. I was reminded of the sign of Jonah today. It’s another sign, a pointer from the fourth day of creation, the only sign Jesus would give of his authority. I kept wondering, what is the sign? Why three days? Light, darkness, the lesser light, the greater light, signs to mark seasons and days and years. Light, water, land. Life, death, transformation. Then, I saw the pattern. Imagine, design, build. Past, present, future. Faith, hope, love. Intention, intuition, interbeing. Knowing, unknowing, renewing. Construction, deconstruction, reformation. Generation, degeneration, regeneration.
Illumination, baptism, resurrection. Soil, seed, fruit. Prepare the ground, plant the seed, wait for the fruit. Let nature do the work. They tried to bury us, but they did not know we were seeds.
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