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خلفتك و نسيتك

I’m sad. Again. Sunday Feb 6th, my mom emptied the wind out of all my sail, and I still haven’t been able to get it back. Yesterday was a What’s Cooking session at work, and I know it could’ve gone so much better. I’m sick of letting family affect me to such an annoying capacity. Mama decided to travel to Dubai again just to leave. Before she did, she did her magic of indirectly forcing me to do what she wants. Wednesday we had a lunch with Attar in tagamo3, it went pretty well in all cases. So why am I sad? Maybe I just need a nap.
This morning I woke up and heard Baba on the phone with Mama having their usual arguments. It ended with a lovely “قولي ل فرح و خالد ان المشكلة من عندك انتي وانا معملتش حاجة” as if all me and Khaled know how to do is take what Mama says at face value. They’re both being such massive pains. Any sympathy I’ve had is long gone now. We’re reaching a point where me & Khaled need to start taking care of them, or at least Baba is aware of that fact. Mama doesn’t seem like she has any intention of acting her age. The biggest part of me wants to move out to Norway and just move on with my life, but now that just sounds like me repeating her patterns.
I should be working.
I keep wanting to do better, to be better, but honestly I feel like I don’t understand better from worse these days.
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