SECRETS starts frantically tearing apart his conspiracy board, screaming -- "FOR QUEEN AND COUNTRY!!!" while Sussy watches, smiling blissfully, as a leaf blows past.
CUT TO: Serene, uplifting music. The screen reads “Welcome to Animals Anonymous” with three snapshot images on the screen like a brochure.
NARRATOR: Welcome to Animals Anonymous, a boutique, holistic camp for animals to aspire to their best selves. Our participants are a diverse group who learn skills like… VULNERABILITY
[VFX: The screen reads “VULNERABILITY”]
INT. SECRETS' ANIMALS ANONYMOUS TENT - DAY
Secrets drags Sussy into his tent, where we see a huge conspiracy theory board filled with red yarn, photos of different areas in Animals Anonymous, and silhouettes of different guests.
SECRETS
I believe I've made a breakthrough in the case, comrade Sussy.
SUSSY
Sorry, what case? I was totally absorbed by the beauty of leaves again. It's crazy how many there are.
SECRETS
Your missing coffee cup. You mentioned it this morning after group therapy. Since we identified the crime at 01200 I have drawn up a comprehensive list of suspects and motives in what I am now referring to as "CASE FILE 01: OPERATION COFFEE THIEF." Would you like to see--
SUSSY
Oh, that. Nah, It's all good, c'est la vie.
SECRETS
Apologies, my French is a bit rusty. Are you saying you DON'T want to know who took your coffee cup?
SUSSY
Nah, I'm good. Thanks though. Do you think there are as many leaves as animals? Or….more?
SECRETS
You must be joking. Unless...perhaps....you’re onto something! Maybe this all has to do with the changing seasons, and the falling leaves. The chase has only just begun. We must keep looking for the answer!
SUSSY
Actually, I think it might be time to look within: why do you think it's so important for YOU to solve this case when it is not even your own coffee cup that roams free?
SECRETS
Because it's the right thing to do. Justice must be served.
SUSSY
And yet I feel no crime committed. So no harm no foul. Unless it is you who feels the harm and also, as well, the foul. Is there perchance a coffee cup in your own life that was taken too soon?
SECRETS
You are making no sense. If you'd just turn to the board here, I have coordinates of every--
SUSSY
…Perhaps a coffee cup you treasured and believed would always be around? Until it wasn't?
SECRETS
Deborah. My Deborah.
SUSSY
Deborah? Go on, now, tell old Sussy all about it. Let me in. We're almost there. Who's Deborah.
Beat. Secrets touches his eyepatch gingerly, then his expression changes.
SECRETS
OH HO HO. YOU ALMOST HAD ME, MASTERMIND SUSSY. I see now. Behind your "chill" exterior is the calculating mind of an EMOTIONAL TERRORIST. What plans have you in store for me? What secrets are you trying to get? My god-- Was it YOU who took the cup?!?!
SUSSY
Woah, I just realized--when leaves fall off a tree, they LEAVE the tree. Leaves be leaving.
SECRETS
SO CRYPTIC..IT'S WORSE THAN I FEARED. I WILL UNMASK YOU SUSSY SLOTH!
Secrets starts frantically tearing at his board, screaming -- "FOR QUEEN AND COUNTRY!!!"
NARRATOR: Animals Anonymous … we’re working on it!
[VFX: Animals Anonymous with “We’re working on it” appearing under as the mantra]
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