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Book 1 - Vairagya Prakaranam

Chapter 30 — Self-Disparagement

श्रीराम उवाच।
एवमभ्युत्थितानर्थशतसंकटकोटरे ।
जगदालोक्य निर्मग्नं मनो मननकर्दमे ।। १
Seeing the world thus ingulphed amidst the abyss of hundreds of rising dangers and difficulties, my mind is immerged in the mire of anxieties.
मनो मे भ्रमतीवेदं संभ्रमश्चोपजायते ।
गात्राणि परिकम्पन्ते पत्राणीव जरत्तरोः ।। २
My mind is wandering everywhere and I am struck with fear at every thing; my limbs are shaking with fear like the leaves of a withered tree.
अनाप्तोत्तमसंतोषधैर्योत्सङ्गाकुला मतिः ।
शून्यास्पदा बिभेतीह बालेवाल्पबलेश्वरा ।। ३
My mind is bewildered by impatience for its want of true contentment, just as a young woman is afraid in a desert for want of the company of her strong handed husband.
विकल्पेभ्यो लुठन्त्येताश्चान्तःकरणवृत्तयः ।
श्वभ्रेभ्य इव सारङ्गास्तुच्छालम्बविडम्बिताः ।। ४
The thoughts of my mind are entangled in my desire for worldly enjoyments, as stags are caught in the pit strewn with grass over it.
अविवेकास्पदा भ्रष्टाः कष्टे रूढा न सत्पदे ।
अन्धकूपमिवापन्ना वराकाश्चक्षुरादयः ।। ५
The senses of an unreasonable man, ever run astray to the wrong and never turn to the right way; so the eyes of a blind man lead him but to fall into the pit.
नावस्थितिमुपायाति न च याति यथेप्सितम् ।
चिन्ता जीवेश्वरायत्ता कान्तेव प्रियसद्मनि ।। ६
Human thoughts are linked to the animal soul as consorts to their lords. They can neither sit idle nor ramble at liberty, but must remain as wives under the control of their husbands.
जर्जरीकृत्य वस्तूनि त्यजन्ती विभ्रती तथा ।
मार्गशीर्षान्तवल्लीव धृतिर्विधुरतां गता ।। ७
My patience is almost worn out, like that of a creeper under the winter frost. It is decayed, and neither lives nor perishes at once.
अपहस्तितसर्वार्थमनवस्थितिरास्थिता ।
गृहीत्वोत्सृज्य चात्मानं भवस्थितिरवस्थिता ।। ८
Our minds are partly settled in worldly things, and partly fixed in their giver (the Supreme soul). This divided state of the mind is termed its half waking condition.
चलिताचलितेनान्तरवष्टम्भेन मे मतिः ।
दरिद्रा छिन्नवृक्षस्य मूलेनेव विडम्ब्यते ।। ९
My mind is in a state of suspense, being unable to ascertain the real nature of my soul. I am like one in the dark, who is deceived by the stump of a fallen tree at a distance, to think it a human figure.
चेतश्चञ्चलमाभोगि भुवनान्तर्विहारि च ।
न संभ्रमं जहातीदं स्वविमानमिवामराः ।। १०
Our minds are naturally fickle and wandering all about the earth. They cannot forsake their restlessness, as the vital airs cannot subsist without their motion.
अतोऽतुच्छमनायासमनुपाधि गतभ्रमम् ।
किं तत्स्थितिपदं साधो यत्र शोको न विद्यते ।। ११
Tell me Oh sage, what is that state of life which is dignified above others, which is unassociated with the troubles (incident to birth and death), unqualified by the conditions of humanity, and apart from errors, and wherein griefs are unknown.
सर्वारम्भसमारूढाः सुजना जनकादयः ।
व्यवहारपरा एव कथमुत्तमतां गताः ।। १२
(Tell me also) how Janaka and the other good men, who are conspicuous for their ceremonious acts, and distinguished for their good conduct, have acquired their excellence (in holy knowledge).
लग्नेनापि किलाङ्गेषु बहुधा बहुमानद ।
कथं संसारपङ्केन पुमानिह न लिप्यते ।। १३
(Tell me likewise) Oh source of my honor, how a man, who is besmeared all over his body with the dirt of worldliness, may yet be cleansed and get rid of it.
कां दृष्टिं समुपाश्रित्य भवन्तो वीतकल्मषाः ।
महान्तो विचरन्तीह जीवन्मुक्ता महाशयाः ।। १४

लोभयन्तो भयायैव विषयाभोगभोगिनः ।
भङ्गुराकारविभवाः कथमायान्ति भव्यताम् ।। १५
Tell me what is the knowledge by which the serpents of worldliness can be freed from their worldly crookedness and become straight in their conduct?

मोहमातङ्गमृदिता कलङ्ककलितान्तरा ।
परं प्रसादमायाति शेमुषीसरसी कथम् ।। १६
Tell me how the foulness of my heart may regain its clearness, after it is so much soiled by errors and tainted with evils, like a lake disturbed by elephants and polluted with dirt.
संसार एव निवहे जनो व्यवहरन्नपि ।
न बन्धं कथमाप्नोति पद्मपत्रे पयो यथा ।। १७
How is it possible for one engaged in the affairs of the world, to be untainted with its blemishes, and remain as pure and intact as a drop of water on the lotus leaf.
आत्मवत्तृणवच्चेदं सकलं कलयञ्जनः ।
कथमुत्तमतामेति मनोमन्मथमस्पृशन् ।। १८
How may one attain his excellence by dealing with others as with himself, and minding the goods of others as straws, and by remaining aloof from love.
कं महापुरुषं पारमुपायातं महोदधेः ।
आचारेणानुसंस्मृत्य जनो याति न दुःखिताम्।। १९
Who is that great man that has got over the great ocean of the world, whose exemplary conduct (if followed) exempts one from misery.
किं तस्यादुचितं श्रेयः किं तत्स्यादुचितं फलम् ।
वर्तितव्यं च संसारे कथं नामासमञ्जसे ।। २०
What is the best of things that ought to be pursued after, and what is that fruit which is worth obtaining? Which is the best course of life in this inconsistent world.
तत्त्वं कथय मे किंचिद्येनास्य जगतः प्रभो ।
वेद्मि पूर्वापरं धातुश्चेष्टितस्यानवस्थितेः ।। २१
Tell me the manner by which I may have a knowledge of the past and future events of the world, and the nature of the unsteady works of its creator.
हृदयाकाशशशिनश्चेतसो मलमार्जनम् ।
यथा मे जायते ब्रह्मंस्तथा निर्विघ्नमाचर ।। २२
Do so, that my mind which is as the moon in the sky of my heart, may be cleared of its impurities.
किमिह स्यादुपादेयं किंवा हेयमथेतरत् ।
कथं विश्रान्तिमायातु चेतश्चपलमद्रिवत् ।। २३
Tell me what thing is most delectable to the mind, and what most abominable to it; as also how this fickle and inconstant mind may get its fixedness like that of a rock.
केन पावनमन्त्रेण दुःसंसृतिविषूचिका ।
शाम्यतीयमनायासमायासशतकारिणी ।। २४
Tell me what is that holy charm, which can remove this choleric pain of worldliness, that is attended with numberless troubles.
कथं शीतलतामन्तरानन्दतरुमञ्जरीम् ।
पूर्णचन्द्र इवाक्षीणां भृशमासादयाम्यहम् ।। २५
Tell me how can I entertain within my heart, the blossoms of the arbor of heavenly happiness, that sheds about it the coolness of the full-moon beams.
प्राप्यान्तः पूर्णतां पूर्णो न शोचामि यथा पुनः ।
सन्तो भवन्तस्तत्त्वज्ञास्तथेहोपदिशन्तु माम् ।। २६
Oh ye good men! that are present and learned in divine knowledge, teach me so that I may obtain the fullness of my heart, and may not come to grief and sorrow any more.
अनुत्तमानन्दपदप्रधान-
विश्रान्तिरिक्तं सततं महात्मन् ।
कदर्थयन्तीह भृशं विकल्पाः
श्वानो वने देहमिवाल्पजीवम् ।। २७
My mind is devoid of that tranquility which results chiefly from holy happiness, and is perplexed with endless doubts, that disturb my peace as the dogs molest smaller animals in the desert.
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