icon picker
Staying with Self Practice

This is a practice to help us get more in touch with our needs and to stop relying on the outside to meet those needs.


The goal here isn't to become an island or give up on receiving from others.
Rather, to learn what it feels like to both give and receive that which we desire.
This is helpful for several reasons:
We begin to learn what it feels like to receive exactly what it is one desires, so that we become very clear about when we are/are not receiving that from another. And also to give that to another, so they can learn what it feels like too.
We learn to fill ourselves with what we want from within, rather than looking to the external world. When we do receive that from another, it becomes like a beautiful bonus to what we already have, rather than a need that they are or must fill.
Eventually we begin to navigate the world and relationships from a place of fullness and abundance, with others gleefully hopping on board and helping us out; rather than constantly grasping and wanting the other to give what we are unable to give to ourselves.


1) Write a list of all the things you want to feel in relationship with someone, in the format "I want to feel ______ from someone"
For example:
"I want to feel prioritized by someone."
"I want to feel listened to by someone."
"I want someone to feel sexy with."
Leave space under each feeling for a few lines.
It can also include actions, like "I want someone to text me each morning and send me memes."
"I want someone to have sex with."
But keep the actions in a separate column.
2) Once you've done that, attach actions to each feeling.
For example:
"I want to feel prioritized by someone" might include the action "I want someone to text me every day" or "I want someone to consider my feelings when they make decisions".
3) Once you've done that, change every instance of "someone" to "myself" and every future tense verb (I want) to a present tense verb (I do).
You now have a list of feelings you can give yourself, and actionable ways to do that!
Take it literally. Like "I text myself every day". Setup a separate number (I can show you how) and text yourself every day!
Or "I consider my own feelings when I make decisions" means put yourself and your feelings first whenever you make a decision.
Want to print your doc?
This is not the way.
Try clicking the ⋯ next to your doc name or using a keyboard shortcut (
) instead.