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Weathering the mental and emotional storms in college recruiting to get more scholarships with less headaches

Athlete mindset:

Fear of rejection (getting ghosted or ignored)

Contacting 50 schools and having zero schools express interest

You’ve been talking to a school, but they’ve ghosted you

Your whole world is acceptance — even for independent kids

Sending emails or DMs, posting on social media could lead to rejection

What if I’m not good enough? Facing your deepest fears

Playing under pressure (perfectionism) — performance anxiety

Coach is coming to watch you play and you’re nervous

“Taking a test” — evaluation vs “Watch this” — performing (Alex Honnold)

PG National in Minnesota

You’ve done this a thousand times

You’ve prepared for this

You don’t have to play the game of your life

This isn’t the last opportunity you’ll get

Following your friends

“I don’t want to do [X] because my friends aren’t doing it.”

“My friends aren’t doing that so it must not be how recruiting works.”

Your friends have never been through the recruiting process.

Your friends will do the thing that is most comfortable, not most effective

HS → Everyone wants to be accepted | Adulthood → Everyone wants to be unique

Fear of judgment

“I don’t want my friends seeing my posts on social media”

“I don’t want people knowing that I’m trying hard because if I fail, it means I wasn’t good enough”

Your true friends will encourage you in your goals

If they don’t, they’re not real friends anyway

Don’t try to impress the wrong people

It’s more about the person you are & become, not the goal you accomplish

“What if it doesn’t work out” vs “What if it does” — worst case vs. best case scenario

Comparison game

Seeing other athletes you’re better than committing to D1s

Seeing commitments on social media

You don’t know what that athlete did to achieve that (behind the scenes)

Everyone’s recruiting process is different

“Winners focus on winning, and losers focus on winners”

What happens to others doesn’t affect your process in any way

Compete with yourself

External validation

You’re seeking validation from friends, parents, coaches, etc.

You didn’t play your sport originally to seek validation (you just loved it)

Get back to why you started playing the game

Recent story about D going from trying to impress coaches → focusing on his play & love for the game

Compete with yourself (x2)

Perfectionism in communication

“My video isn’t as good as I’d like”

“I’m not sure what to put in my script”

Don’t let perfect become the enemy of the better

Ship it

Refine over time

Fear of not going D1

“I want to play at the highest level I can”

“I don’t go D1, it’s not even worth it”

“My friends won’t be impressed with D3”

Highest level vs. Best fit (Oregon vs. JC)

In 20 years, you won’t care whether you played D1 or not

Massive scholarships available outside of D1

Your best fit school — where you’ll thrive — might not be D1

Stop trying to impress the wrong people. Your friends will be happy for you.

In 20 years, you MIGHT be friends with 5 of your high school friends.

⁠

Parent mindset:

Fear that you’re not doing your part

You see your kid doing their part (early workouts, working hard in class, taking lessons, etc)

It is not your job to get them a scholarship

All you can do is give them every opportunity possible

Exhaust all options — if it doesn’t work out, then so be it

Fear of wasted potential

Worried your athlete will have to “settle”

If you exhaust all options (like we just talked about), then wasted potential is a non-factor

The only athletes I’ve seen with wasted potential were those whose parents were disengaged OR the athlete didn’t want it / made poor life decisions

Wasted potential is less about level of play and more about finding a school your kid can thrive at

Fear of financial burden

Do what you can afford

Make do with what you have

Some families will have more resources than you

It’s not about resources, it’s about being resourceful

What’s your advantage?

Fear of falling behind

Seeing other families actively work to get offers, and feel like you’re not doing enough

Or seeing other athletes get offers and feel like you’re behind

Harsh truth: maybe you are

What are you doing about it?

The nice thing about this is you can solve this quickly → Start talking serious action

Letting go of control (accepting uncertainty)

Worried about the transfer portal, NIL and roster caps

First, remember that HS athletes are still getting offers (and BIG ones)

You have zero control over these factors

But you do have control over ways to mitigate the risks associated with them

How can you put yourself in the best position possible?

Avoiding comparison

Seeing athletes commit on social media

Talking to other parents on your team who have offers (but your kid is better)

You don’t know what’s true and not true

Every athlete’s journey is different

You can’t see the full picture

Comparison kills confidence

It leads to bad decisions (typically around camps & showcases)

Dealing with conflicting advice

You’re getting different advice from your coaches, social media, Chat GPT, google, etc.

How do you know what’s right?

Sniff test — Quantity — Quality — Specificity — Absolutes

Their kid is burnt out, disheartened and discouraged

You’re playing the role of parent and psychologist

Acknowledge their pain

Help them Zoom out

Refocus on what they can control

Share stories of pro athletes who struggled

Remove the pressure

Letting the kid make all the decisions

Kids will always choose the most comfortable path

It may be “their dream” — but it’s your FAMILY’S process

Teach them how to pursue a hard goal

Show leadership

How my dad guided me

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General mindset:

You get what you tolerate

For real change to happen, there must be dissatisfaction with where you’re at

If you’re not enough pain, change isn’t mandatory.

When you’re in enough pain, you’ll do anything to get out of it.

The real question is: can you make the change BEFORE you hit rock bottom pain?

Hatred never comes from above

Families who get 20 offers will never hate on your D3 offer

Families who can’t get a single schools to look at their kid will

Hatred comes from people wanting to be where you are

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